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Rosh Hashanah: The Malibu Barbie version

I watched this erev Rosh Hashanah:

I loved it to bits. It was just what I needed. I did something I never thought I would do. I forgave someone who did me harm. Plus, I apologized for my part in the whole situation.

I realized that my mother was right. Those people in my old community wrote me off without cause. Just thinking of them made me feel seriously ill. I became anti-social in that community. I realized how different Brooklyn is. Last year, I wouldn't have had the guts to admit my wrongdoing and I wallowed in my anger.

I was barely home during this 3-day yom tov. I ate dinner and lunch at different homes in the community. People said greeted me during services. If I still lived in the city of flowers, I would have been alone at home. Lonely and not growing.

When I finally heard the shofar this morning I started shaking. My arm began to hurt and I felt cold. I was acutely aware of everything wrong in my head and body. I started to cry and ask Hashem to take this pain away from me so I could fully hear the blasts. I am happy to report that my biceps now look like Mrs. Obama. O.K. they are not so chiseled but they are more sleek from holding the machzor.

This year, I did Tashlich by the beach. I borrow a random woman's machzor and I was forced to read in only Hebrew. That was scary. However, I somehow understood I am not a collection of sins. I am me. I just happen to collect a catalog of sins because of my arrogance, fear, and ignorance. Reading in Hebrew brought me face to face with my yetzer hara. I finally felt my divine spark return as I dumped my junk in the Atlantic Ocean.

So what's the lesson? You are beyond the labels (societal or self-imposed) tacked onto you. You are you and that's just marvelous!


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Sep. 21st, 2009 12:28 pm (UTC)
Nicely written. The shofar blasts awakened something within me that I wasn't aware was sleeping. I actually FELT like the Gates were open. My rabbi's commentary was extremely moving, and when he said "if Moshiach doesn't come it is our own fault" I realized he was right.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )